From Beach to Sea. The Quest for Depth in Love.

He was working as a full time lifeguard – safekeeping his heart in a treasure chest, buried deep into the sea. It was as if Johnny Depp himself, dressed up as the iconic pirate he portrayed so many times, came up to him and entrusted him with a special mission.

The beach was his playground, and the access for women was granted, as long as they stayed on the beach and did not venture into the sea. That was a restricted area for women. Was the sea dangerous? Were there any menacing creatures? No. That was the sea where adventures, occasional hook-ups, summer flings and one night stands were facing the danger of turning into something more serious. The sea was so dynamic, so full of movement and melody, a place that could unlock deep emotions and vulnerability. It had the gift to open his heart, so that he would grow feelings and ultimately, feel vulnerable. That’s why he called it ‘The Relationship Sea’.

The Lifeguard’s Red Flag. Guarding Against the Waves of Love

He felt safer by the beach, away from any real connection. He controlled the game, without having to fight the waves of attachment that the sea would eventually bring.

He came with a whole bucket of red flags right from the start. He would invite you on his private beach, where you would enjoy a fun afternoon, wrapped in the gentle warmth of the sun on your skin, the ocean breeze gently tantalizing your senses. But that was all you’d get. Little teasers leaving you craving for more. He would constantly lift the red flag to warn you not to enter the Relationship Sea, or you could drown. In fact, the flag was meant for him. He didn’t come close the water, but feared it from afar.

Dipping Toes in the Relationship Sea despite Beachside Warnings

What did the women do? Did they listen to the man and stayed away from the Relationship Sea? No. They would go and dip their toes into the water thinking they were already swimming. But that wasn’t barely enough to turn them into a professional swimmer, aka the official girlfriend.

Because they weren’t actually swimming. Touching the water, they fed on the illusion that they would change him, they would be strong enough to swim for both of them and then ride off into the sunset, finding their own promising sea and living their happily ever after. They, in fact, had no actual future prospect from the man not yet ready to face the depth of his heart and fight the storms of the sea. He wasn’t quite ready to leave the safety and simplicity of the beach. He wanted to play some more in the sand with his little shovel and had no curiosity to discover what lies beyond the shore. Beneath it all, maybe he was also struggling between staying in a familiar, controlled environment and venturing into the unknown where real connections and growth happen. All we can do is try and offer him a hand, but that will only work as long as he really wants and accepts the help. After all, it’s not our responsibility. Your happiness is your real responsibility. And your happiness starts with you – with mending to your own needs and struggles.

If you are a creature of the sea, don’t be Ariel.

Eager to Swim: Searching for a Promising Sea of Love

So, girl, stay away from the swamp and get your glow tan on your private island! Go find yourself another “beach”, where the waters are inviting and safe for swimming and thriving. You should feel free to swim, to ride exciting waves, and safe enough to truly dive in and not have to deal with the frustration and disappointment of holding back. You deserve a safe harbour, full sentences and waves of love. Don’t try to prove your worth by entering the forbidden sea and exploring shallow waters.

P.S.1. This is a metaphor for all those emotionally unavailable men, who keep women stranded on a lousy shore, with false promises and ambiguous messages.

P.S.2. I try to make sense of life and in doing so, I sometimes play with words. The reality is simple and needs no wax poetic, but the simple hard truths are not always that easy to comprehend.

P.S.3. This is for my friend, always eager to swim, searching for a promising sea, on a quest for depth in love. It’s important to recognize those red flags and protect one’s heart. You deserve an ocean of love!